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So my sister woke up from her sleep and told me “Mami for president December 2013. Seyiku and Kyouks are her bodyguards. In black suits. With the sunglasses. Draw that.” and then went back to sleep.
im too tired to finish
Vote Cake Party 2013!
MY *~MOM~* HAS DECIDED THAT I CAN’T GO TO ASHLEY’S WHEN WE’VE BEEN PLANNING FOR MONTHS AND I’VE ALREADY SPENT A SHITLOAD OF MONEY ON IT
BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T *~FEEL WELL*~ LIKE THAT HAS ANY FUCKING BEARING ON ME GOING SOMEWHERE
this is a thing that happened
I need a fucking hug.
When I click to cancel a tumblr post, I am offered the choice between “Cancel” and “OK.”
If I click on “cancel” I am then treated to a HUMBLING LESSON in the propositional logic of a double negative.
In gender therapy, I've been asked why I began really thinking I was trans so 'late' (I'm 22). I find this a really hard question to answer, for me it's along the lines of "because I didn't care about gender at all and my main identity was that I'm smart and I had other problems, like depression", but this answer feels not quite right. It's really hard to find the right words - how would you answer this?
Here’s a big reason why plenty of us might not figure out we’re trans until we’re 20, or 30, or 60:
Of all the perspectives on transness that are offered in mainstream society - whether they’re “he or she?” episodes of Maury, gawking documentaries, or cheap “tr*nny” jokes everywhere we turn - not a single one ever suggests that this could actually be you.
People ask us why we didn’t know sooner. Well, maybe there was no way we could have known! The world doesn’t readily grant us access to the information we would need to know what it is we’re experiencing, to put it in the proper context, to understand what it is we are, or to pursue the things we need to help ourselves. The world makes us fight fucking tooth and nail just to find what the goddamn words are for what we are. It discourages us at every turn from even being this, and makes us go through hell to access what we need just to live our lives.
And then the world asks why, in the face of all this, we didn’t do something about it sooner. Why, in a world where everyone is assumed to be cis and transness is some weird thing that’s super rare and only happens somewhere else far away, it would take us decades to realize we’re not cis. Well, what the hell were they expecting? We live in a world that fucking punishes children and then teenagers and then adults, too, when we ever dare to voice that sentiment. And they expect a vulnerable, innocent child to somehow know all that, and to say it out loud, in a world like this?
When I was a kid I didn’t know it was even a possibility for me to be a girl. I didn’t know this was something that could happen. It was positioned so far outside of my reality, I didn’t even reach the point of wanting it but dismissing it as impossible or infeasible. It didn’t even occur to me to want this; it was something so unknown to me it would have been like wanting to be a unit circle or an Einstein-Rosen bridge. Being a girl, of course, is actually possible - but nobody told me that!
My entire life as a kid was so consumed with living up to others’ expectations and doing what everyone told me to do, I didn’t have time to think of who I was, or what I wanted, or even envision myself as a person in my own right with my own goals and image of who I am. I was just this little kid who apparently did really well on IQ tests and got promoted ahead by two whole grades and was expected to ace every class and some day I would go to college and that was the sum total of who I was and there was nothing, nothing else, not a single stand-out feature of who I was as a person beyond what I could do at school to impress a bunch of adults.
It took me until I was 19 and almost died, to realize I might actually just straight-up drop dead at any time, and that I needed to start figuring out what mattered to me and who I was and what I wanted my life to be like.
From that moment, it was maybe 6 months before I started putting on makeup for the first time.
Everyone develops as a person at their own pace, and there can be any number of factors that interact to influence how and when we come to understand who we fundamentally are. The challenges of being trans on top of that are enormous. A therapist - particularly a therapist working with trans people - should be the first to recognize this. They are professionals. It’s their job to know these things.
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